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Our life.Īfter we left Lab, we took a long walk along a canal next to our apartment. It could mean whatever we wanted it to mean, because it was ours. I don't want to wear suits or to do anything that doesn't represent us." We didn't want to forget that we were still gay men-that our marriage didn't have to mimic a heteronormative lifestyle. "I don't want to do this in the conventional way," Alex told me as we first discussed tying the knot. I don't believe marriage means shutting out my personhood or my sexuality. In those moments, we weren't complicated, and we weren't negotiating. I got to fuck alongside him and be shared by him with other guys. I got to watch him fuck, seduce and flirt. My husband became this sexy, big-dicked Dominican stud. We spend so much of our lives on Earth navigating mortgages and bills, negotiating our personal needs against those of our families, friends, jobs, and larger lives. In those moments, I don't see Alex as my husband. He and Alex fucked me together, whispering to each other behind me. Toward the end of the night, we met this thickly muscled Bulgarian man with a gray beard and salt-and-pepper hair. At one point, Alex broke away from his Colombian, and I blew them both, the two of them making out while I was on my knees servicing their cocks. Later, while Alex fucked a guy we met from Columbia, I knelt next to him, so he could watch me blow a tall redhead from London with an amazing dick. My whole mind soon shut off, lost in sensory overload. Soon enough, Alex and I were passionately fucking him while others watched, touching and kissing us, the sound of sex everywhere. He was from South Africa, in Berlin for the weekend. I had eyes for this big, beefy guy we saw at the bar. You immediately sense that Lab is a place dedicated to the celebration of our bodies, our desires, our homosexuality, and our masculinity, a celebration of one another. One goes to Lab to fuck, above all, but it's a celebratory kind of fucking. It's the camaraderie you'll feel while there. But it's not the fucking, or the rows upon rows of slings, or the tubs for piss play, or rooms for fisting, or the gangbangs you'll stumble into, or the casual way you can just drop to your knees and suck a guy off that make Lab transcendental. To say they fuck a lot at Lab.Oratory is an understatement. Alex and I decided to get the lay of the land. But the real action goes down in smaller rooms throughout. Men stood around in the main room bar in various degrees of undress, laughing and talking, while others fucked and sucked in the corners. It felt like an orgy in an abandoned warehouse, dirty and dangerous. The space inside is cavernous and utilitarian, with cement walls and floors, punctuated by industrial steel beams. We were nervous-we'd been to sex parties and bathhouses in America, but nothing like this. The theme that night was simple: two drinks for the price of one, clothing optional. If you were wearing deodorant or cologne, you were turned away in an instant, which makes sense, because the smell of men is part and parcel of the eroticism of gay sex. We learned that entrance came with a strict no perfume policy. While Berghain is famous for its hours-long line, Lab.Oratory has its own entrance, with its own door criteria. Food kiosks shared curb space with limos and exotic sports cars old ladies sold trinkets on the street.
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Once we approached the club, as if from nowhere, young, diverse hipsters in expensive club wear began to appear, walking down the middle of the street. To get there, our taxi drove us down a long, isolated boulevard. That's why, when we found out about Lab.Oratory, a sex club in the basement of Berlin's internationally renowned Berghain nightclub, we knew we had to go-that taking part in a bacchanal 300-man orgy was the perfect way to celebrate our bond.īerghain is part of an old power station in an industrial and remote neighborhood of East Berlin. We wanted all the adventures we could handle like our marriage, we decided our honeymoon didn't have to follow any rules. Watching them expanded something inside of me, and with time, I learned that I could fall in love with both of them, and that we could love each other, and others, without limit.Īlex and I got married this February, and we decided our honeymoon would be a five week trip to Europe. Yet there was something beautiful to be found in the way they would hold hands or kiss. When we met our boyfriend, Jon, watching Alex fall in love with someone new challenged me in ways I never could have anticipated. I have walked out of threesomes in a fit, pulling Alex out with me, because he kissed a guy too long or looked at him in a way I felt should be reserved only for me. It took years of conversations and fights to finally find comfort in the arrangement.